A hello of my deepest goodbye

Hello you, someone that should called as dad, how are you?
 I hope you feel better now up there. :)

You know what, i have so many things to tell, i think
Or maybe i have nothing to say, perhaps
I hope you i can spend more time with you, to cry on you, to yell on you and to mad at you
To let you know that is is all your fault, it is because of your own fault
You never change
You are still the same person that had left me there
You never put any effor to know what i am doing, where i have been or what i have be till this time

They taught me to survive, i survived as much as i can do
I got pride by my own way
I grow up stronger
I acknoledge you as a most hate person in my whole lifetime

They said i should not try to looking for you, some said  i should try to finding you
Do you know how to standing between of those?
It is really tiring. I am telling you, it really is.
I even have said several times that i would have no idear what my feeling will be like if i lose you, if you passed away
I really have no idea
Those 'old time' bad memories are just the reason why i still did not take a time to find you seriously
I do not bothering myself to think or worry about you

Until i get that news
When bigga tells me that you passed away, I cry
I shocked. I lost. I cry













Not sure if i had tell you this before, but i will tell you this again
I think i really could not hate anybody forever
I could not hate you nor any of my ex nor anybody that  hurt me, just the way my parent did
I could not hate you, eventhough i know that you are a deep dark monster of my whole life
I am sorry,,
I am so sorry i do not have any chance to say all of these to you
I am so sorry i could not say any goodbye before you go
I am so sorry i did not plan to come earlier to visit you
I am so sorry bigga and I were not on beside you when you face  your final way

I do really sorry

I hope i could visit you in the next two weeks when i came back from here
I hope you do not mind to accept my delayed
I hope it will be fine, for all of us, if i decided to start to taking care the place where you lay down now
I hope it can be another hello of us
Aamiin. 

I missed you.

Best regard of your daughter.